Random Rima Ranting # 2
Thursday, November 27, 2008 @ 7:24 PM
I bet all of you are sick of RRR's (way too many nowadays), but everything is soooo messed up!
My best friend, Tia texted me today to tell me she's had a surgery and is in hospital now. I knew that this was coming, but not so soon! When she told me there were problems with her leg and her back, I did understand every word of what she said, but I was (am...) having so many problems that I wasn't ready for this. And I'm worried. I feel like a hypocrite.
And she won't get to go home for, at least two weeks. Until then, I'll keep texting her with cheerful bullsh!t, even if I feel down, like today. Aaaand I'll call her tomorrow morning, right after I wake up. Only thing(s) I can do right now (since she lives oh-so far away from my place).
Problem Number Two: Today all the feelings that have been piling up within me wanted to burst out and I simply couldn't hold my tears back. During class. I suck. Nobody understood what the heck is wrong with me, and I HAD to go out the the bathroom to arrange everything within myself and put up a brave front again. Which absolutely didn't work, because everytime someone asked what's wrong I tore up. I was upset. Luckily (?), the teacher wanted to speak with me after class (she probably thought that I was sad about the awkward grade I got for my recitation), but I told her that moving is killing me and I couldn't learn much lately, and I'm sorry for my behaviour. She was kind of... shocked. I guess no-one ever saw me cry. I'm good at hiding my feelings. But she understood me, and tried to comfort me, which was uber kind of her, especially, because she can act like an evil witch sometimes.
Then, everyone (=girls in my group) started bombing me with questions. And I had no intentions of telling them why I cried, so I left them disappointed. Because seriously... if they can't ask "how are you" like once a month, why would I have to tell them what has been going on with me nowadays, which made me feel awkward? "We want to help you" - "You can't". If you didn't care about my existence so far, why would I have to tell you anything...So, they soon forgot that I was actually crying today and went back to acting like I didn't exist, at all. That's why I dislike them quite much. Hypocrites, hyopcrites... But I did tell my friends (who are in the other group - oh, god, why didn't I just say that I can't speak English, at all, and then we would be in the same one?), who agreed with me. And that sure did make me feel better.
The guys were kind of wierd. There are 5 of them in my group, and V (remember skating?) acted like nothing happened. But when Carter came up, barfing and trying to annoy the girls around me (oh, C, you don't know how glad I was about that), V told him he was an @ss for acting like this. He also opened a window, saying "fresh air helps a lot [at times like these]". So, he did care about me. (And by the way! Yesterday I was at the hairdresser's and I got my hair blow-dried after dying the roots of my hair today, which I haven't done during this school year. Today, when we met at our lockers, V looked at me, and before going inside the classroom, he looked at me and asked "...you straightened your hair today?" with a cute look. I replied yes, and he nodded, in an "it looks good on you"-way. For some reason, I felt touched and happy.)
Carter took notes for me, while I was away at the bathroom, and he was pretty worried. Kindness. Something I really appreciate.
And finally, David decided to sit next to me at IT. He normally sits at another computer, so I was pretty suprised. My look was probably asking "Is your computer wrong or what?", because he asked immidiately whether it was okay for him to sit next to me. Uh, whatever. I guess your girlfriend, who hates me for no specific reason, other than that our haircolour is the same (and she probably knows that last year you were into me, but I'm dense, and I would never go out with you), is going to kill both you and me. He tried to cheer me up. And it worked.
I guess it would be egoistic to assume that either of them likes me? Even if a part of me is trying to convince me about the opposite. Carter is really trying hard to get closer to me each day, and is acting rather charming nowadays, while V (who happens to have a girlfriend) is getting really protective and looks slightly jealous when C is around me too much. No way, right?
Labels: rima